


daybreak

by bimrambles



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ANGRY SHOUTING, M/M, Post-Canon, Trip to the Beach, speed driving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 23:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimrambles/pseuds/bimrambles
Summary: the both of you just sit there in the shallow of the sea. not much needs to be said anymore. sure, you fucked up, he fucked up, but just be friends this moment— even just for this moment. he can hate you later.





	

**Author's Note:**

> warning:  
> speed driving  
> conversation about running away
> 
> post-canon  
> jared kleinman’s pov in second person  
> literally went all the way on jared’s characterization here wowzas

In the beginning, there was darkness.

After an awkward thirty minutes of convincing Evan to get into your car (It’s 4 AM. He’s still awake, that green dot on your screen is the only thing you could actually see right now. You chew on your nail; you didn’t really consciously make this decision because _God_ , you haven’t slept yet. You haven’t slept in a decent hour for the past two weeks, and now you’re just hoping he would _please pick up, please pick up, please pick up_ — oh. He... picked up. “Hey, Evan! I am in no mood to explain but I’m coming over in fifteen minutes and you will leave with me. I will not take no for an answer. I will not— _no_ , don’t tell your mom, just get out of there quietly, _please_.”)— you’ve slammed on the break as soon as you pull out of the driveway. You don’t really care if you’ve woken any neighbours up, nor would it matter to you right now. It’s dark. It’s really dark, and you didn’t expect Evan to actually come with you.

“Where, exactly, are we going...?”

“Far from all this crap.”

You’re steering with as much control as you can muster right now— which is not exactly much— but surprisingly, you still manage to drive in a straight line. The boy next to you is starting to get concerned, but you don’t need that right now. You need quiet. You need solitude. You just... need to breathe.

You drive farther than the yellow fields, headed straight to the sea shore. Nobody should be there at this time of day. You could’ve gone alone, but... you were worried you’d get so mad at yourself you could just crash your car into a ditch. You’ll never admit that to him, though. Shit, what if he asks? What excuse do you have now? You won’t be able to say your mom said so; you’ve already made it evident nobody else knows where the two of you’ve gone.

The windows are rolled down, and the sun is about to rise. The sky is turning into a low violet, like his soul. You can already taste the saline waters from here, and you find yourself driving faster than you would need to care. You would rather have the howling wind block out your thoughts, everything, _everything_ is noise. Static, deafening, white noise.

“Jared, you’re— this is really dangerous! Can you—can you slow down?” He’s yelling now. All you can hear is the shrill screech of the wind, and what you hope is the soft crashing of the waves in the distance. It should be here somewhere; you’ve driven by here a few times when you had nowhere else to be and nobody else to talk to. You see it.

You slow down just as you see the shore, white foam against the shimmering sand. Evan sighs in relief, releasing his grip from the seat. You pull over and undo your seatbelt.

You kick the rocky gravel at your feet as soon as you climb out of the car. You’re livid. You’re mad at the world, and most of all, you’re mad at yourself. But you could never be mad at Evan. After everything, it all seemed like a lifetime ago. For so long you two had ignored each other in the halls, never got in touch over Skype, and you thought it was unbearable. For some godforsaken reason, you couldn’t stand the thought of abandoning him.

“You’re a _dick_ , Evan.” You know that’s not the best way to put it, but words are hard to reach. You wonder if Evan feels like this sometimes, so _lost_. “Sorry.”

He ignores you. “Why are we here?”

“Because I’m— you know what, I don’t actually know.”

 _I just wanted to see you, you fuck. I’m the dick here, and I’m way too fucking pretentious to admit it so I’m just going to hope you take the hint._ You walk over to the water. Climbing, retreating, climbing, retreating, it’s a cool little rhythm. You wonder if it’s healthy to breathe with it.

“Jared, I kind of want to be home right now, mom is going to wake up and she’s going to find me missing or something, and that’s like... a really bad idea.”

“If you still think it’s possible to lie to me about your mom, it’s not anymore. Your mom works graveyard shift. She won’t be home until 4 hours later.” You say, slipping your right foot out of your flip-flop to dip into the moving water. You know his mom as much as your own.  Not much, but good enough.

“Oh. Er... I didn’t think you knew that.” He says, picking on his left arm out of habit. You wish he would stop doing that.

You sit on the sand.

“I’m running away, Evan.” Flip-flops in hand, bare feet in the water. Climbing, retreating, climbing, retreating.

“What?”

“There are some apartment blocks downtown. I could make myself a new life then. I’ve already packed my things in the trunk. You know I’m a piece of shit. Nobody will miss me; I didn’t give anybody a good reason to, anyways.”

“That’s not true.”

“Why am I telling you this?”

“I don’t know...?”

You stand up, brushing off the sand from your clothes.

Then you kick the water.

“Whoa, what the hell?!”

“That’s for blowing me off with Zoe.” You smile proudly to yourself. Evan crouches to splash you with his hand, laughing. You notice how red his face had gone, usually you’d see him that red when he’s hyperventilating but— this is different.

“You ignored me for a month!” You’re awkwardly jogging up to him now to inflict an even bigger splash, but not before tripping over a rock, heading into the water. You reach out of impulse, grabbing onto Evan and pulling him down with you. Both of you are soaking wet with salt water as day breaks over the shore, laughter seeming to echo in the open space. Neither of you brought any spare clothes, but you decide to worry about that later.

The both of you just sit there in the shallow of the sea. Not much needs to be said anymore. Sure, you fucked up, he fucked up, but just be friends this moment. Even just for this moment. He can hate you later.

“Why do you want to run away?” His hands are in front of him, playing with the foam.

“God, I just want to start over. That shit we pulled last year? No, I don’t want to go back there.” You’re not going to say everything, that’s ridiculous. You’re not going to spill it. You’re not going to spill it. You’re not going to— “I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. I couldn’t stop thinking of you, and everything I’ve ever said wrong. And I’m crap, because while I can fix that by facing it, I would rather just run from it all. Something you and I would know, right?”

“Then don’t leave.”

You don’t answer. You just try to breathe with the water. Climb, retreat, climb, retreat. Theoretically, if you were to climb a tree, you’d do it like you would approach any situation. You’d just climb, retreat, climb, retreat. Almost at the top, then just fall back down, because you’re a disappointment just like that. At least you try. Nobody sees you that way, though. They would assume you’d just kick the tree a few times and call it a waste of time.

“Don’t run away. I—I wouldn’t have any more rides to the beach if you do.” There, he’s picking at his left arm again. You chuckle.

“Is this you saying this should be a regular thing? Because I need you to remind me to bring spare clothes next time.”

Splash. Maybe he should fill the whole back seat with spare clothes.

You would’ve said ‘it’s good to be back’ just then. You would’ve told that to Evan’s blushing face glowing in the sun, except you’re not really back. Things have changed. Everything is different now. It’s just much better.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!!  
> no beta because my crusty ass worked on this while everyone's asleep  
> it's 5 am and i havent slept yet pls mercy me


End file.
